[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
[singing]
A horse is a horse, of course, of course
[singing]
And no one can talk to a horse--
Is there really no way out of here?
Yeah, it's nothing but
a Gordian knot of pipes.
Oh, w-- No... There's nothing up there.
Alexander the Great solved the Gordian
knot by cutting it with his sword.
What's more is I would have the
brains to solve it without cheating.
I could do better than Alexander the Great.
Yeah, that's the only access point.
Okay, I admit, that's a tall order,
and I'm not the greatest position to
be making that claim at the moment,
but c'mon, my name's Gordon, as
if I can't solve a Gordian knot.
Yeah, there's nothing here.
See, by cutting the knot in half, that
makes Alexander the Great look kind of dumb.
Because then everyone
thinks he CAN'T solve it,
he can only smash things with his sword.
I mean, yeah, that worked--
--but if you REALLY want to deify yourself,
you solve a knot just to show you can.
THEN you cut people's heads off--oh shit!
Oh god, is it gonna cave...?!
APPARENTLY I WASN'T FUCKED ENOUGH YET!
GLAD I COULD HIT MY QUOTA!
Smoke...there's too much smoke in here...
Wait, it's flooding. That's what I needed.
Yeah, I think I'm done here.
Oh wow. The air is better...
Well if it wasn't for probably
causing an earthquake,
I'd say that threw them off my scent.
Well, they're not coming this way.
Cops are like cats. They
don't like getting wet.
Wow, I caused a lot of damage, huh?
Yeah, fixing this is one of those
"glad it's not my job" moments.
Assuming anyone WILL fix it.
From what I've seen, I'm not convinced
blowing a gas line and a water main
is enough to motivate the
city to send someone out here.
I mean, there's bodies in the
sewer; that kind of says it all.
Yeah, this is all going to be ruins. Again.
This is how Rome fell apart--shit like this.
Just because I killed all those people
doesn't means I'm the source of...
Wow, so what's the point of this?
The ladder doesn't even reach!
You have no respect for my privacy!
You need to be taught some manners!
Big Brother's YOUR brother, NOT MINE!
Question is, can they build those faster
than I can destroy them? They might.
At least they're clunky spy cams.
They don't have the place wired
with fiber optics I'll never find.
So wait. There's no path here.
Even if that opens up, it doesn't reach.
That means this is the official entrance.
Some loose planks to a ledge
and no way to get--Okay, cool.
I feel like I'm seeing
something I'm not supposed to,
like if I keep going and lift up a grate,
I'm going to find a colony of gnomes.
[high-pitched vocalizing]
Y'know, I really shouldn't rule out
the possibility of fiber-optic cameras;
there's just so much wanton ne--
C'mon, taste the Freeman!
Oh, you wanna taste some more?!
ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER!
C'mon, stick your head out. Just
stick your fucking head out.
Oh, you're gonna make me wait?
We don't have to wait! You got my attention!
Actually, they could be gone.
They may not even know I'm here.
They could just be dropping off death bots
at every address like a paperboy route.
Yeah, I forgot. I'm in the future.
Maybe now, instead of the morning
paper, you just get death...
your fucking throat slit open...
Yeah, see? That's another one of--
Yeah, why don't you guys go and check
that side?! There's nothing over here!
No, really! There's nothing here! I checked!
Yeah, I think I would've preferred gnomes.
I probably scared them all off.
This must be the most action
that's been down here in centuries.
I wonder if they're going to send
someone to pick up the bodies later.
Or at least the equipment.
They might, since they're not civilians.
I still don't know what's going on, but
I can tell this is a crumbling empire.
I'm getting a real Stalin-esque vibe here.
The thing is they need me.
Okay maybe not those two,
but the system does.
They won the lottery with me
because nobody knows who I am.
I'm not some political dissident
people are rallying behind.
They can make up any story they want.
That means they can blame EVERYTHING on me
so I'm the justification for
whatever they want to do.
Oh, did they cut the rope?
Maybe that's doing me a favor;
there's still helicopters outside.
AH! THEY GOT ME! I NEED HELP! SEND BACKUP!
Actually, you know what it reminds me of?
Yeah, the red robot lights,
the bodies, ammo everywhere...
It's like the future scene in "Terminator".
They're all fighting in the tunnels?
Well, this isn't the Terminator future.
Seriously, I'm seeing zero AI progress.
Ah, ammo right next to the tongue.
Okay, stupidity check. We need to
confirm if you're still stupid.
Yeah, you passed. Good job.
All right, metal for me,
metal for you. Enjoy.
But, yeah, I'm-- What? Oh.
But, yeah, I'm public enemy
#1 with no stated motive.
That's a dream come true
for the powers that be.
And they haven't been able to kill me.
That commune they cleared in two
minutes, but they can't get me.
I'm the gift that keeps on giving.
I'm a boogeyman license for them
to do whatever the hell they want.
Too bad that doesn't help ME any.
Ah, shit. I think I see
what's happening now.
I'm just here to destabilize,
or maybe just as a decoy.
The CIA's not in power anymore,
so that means I'm plan B.
They're doing the...
Lambda? There's no formulas!
I think that's just a tagger trying to--
But yeah, not a damned thing's changed.
The CIA is just doing the
classic proxy war bullshit
to try and bring down this regime.
They're probably unofficially
arming rebels elsewhere
because that always works in the long term.
Meanwhile, my job is just
a fucking chaos magnet.
Yeah, that's just graffiti.
These aren't scientists.
So it doesn't matter to
them whether I live or die,
just as long I'm making a big splash.
Okay, so I get that I'm expendable,
but even then, the way they
handled this is SO fucked.
Wait, scratch that! No! I'm not expendable!
Wow, this is really polluted. Shit.
Okay, I don't see anything.
But yeah, I'm not expendable
because, one, it's me,
two, they probably think they're
being clever by telling me jack shit,
because then I can't talk if I'm captured.
But there's a big difference
between need-to-know only...
Just because I don't know what's going
on doesn't mean I don't KNOW things.
I'm one of the few people on the PLANET--
--that could replicate Kleiner's work.
My division could have had teleporters
and god knows what else given enough time.
What they did would be like if we had
sent Einstein BACK to Nazi Germany
and just dropped him off at the train
station with no papers or money.
[gunfire]
REBEL #1: Haha! I got one!
Freeze!
REBEL #1: Hey, you're Freeman, aren't you?
REBEL #1: We got word you were coming.
REBEL #1: You got here at a bad time.
RADIO: Black Mesa East to
Station 6, do you read?
RADIO: Dr. Freeman is on his way
downriver, lend him the airboat,
RADIO: and give him all the help you can.
Yeah.
RADIO: Gordon Freeman has returned!
RADIO: It is critical he
reaches Black Mesa East.
REBEL #1: We've got some ammo
in those crates over there.
REBEL #1: Help yourself to
supplies and keep moving.
Wow, that's a lot. Yeah, we may
not have food or basic sanitation,
but we have bullets. Let's give it a spin.
Yeah, it has some punch, huh?
Yeah, I'm thinking I missed part of history,
where at some point bullets got subsidized.
Like all that cheese they stored
in the mines back in the 80s?
[Geiger counter clicks]
Oh, what the fuck?! That's radioactive!
Can I turn back? No? Okay, fine,
GO go! Exposure time is the key.
Oh good. Lots of metal to absorb
it all. That's what I want to see.
God DAMMIT! Sending me through radioactive--
What?
REBEL #3: They're shelling us!
I can't believe we're weaponizing them!
No, wait. I CAN believe that!
That's EXACTLY what we would do!
Christ, as if we don't
have enough problems!
I hate it when reality is
EXACTLY as bad as the stereotype!
Because this is exactly what the
corporate stooge wanted to do in "Aliens",
OH MY GOD! THEY'RE IN THE GROUND?!
THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!
GO BACK! START OVER! AND DON'T RETURN
TO ME UNTIL YOU HAVE SOMETHING BETTER!
BILLY, I'M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!
IF YOU TURNED THAT IN ON
THE EXAM, I WOULD FAIL YOU!
Holy shit! What a great route this is!
Yeah! They even made a little board
walkway for me! How nice is that?!
WELL THIS IS SUCH A NICE PLACE TO STAY,
BUT I THINK I SHOULD BE MOVING ON!
Look at that. It's arcing off the box.
There's not even a conduc--
Stupid diva has to make an entrance.
I had enough of that crap at my last job.
Trying to upstage me, that's what happens!
Oh, I'm supposed to go in there?
I don't fucking think so!
I'll cook if I even get NEAR that.
I'll just have to climb around it.
Wait, this is all metal! This
whole wall could be charged!
The ceiling...? Is this on purpose?
We're turning the bug zapper on
ourselves? That's what we're doing?
I'm gaining rads! I don't
have time for this shit!
All right, return to sender!
Yeah, safety first, assholes!
Sure, this may be a radioactive
waste dump being bombed by zombies,
but that's no reason not to have standards!
I THINK you're off, but...
This is just a bad country, wherever
this is. I don't want to live here.
It's just a pure nightmare.
[zombie sounds]
OH MY GOD!
Nope, nope, I'm done! I'm done here! Bye!
OH?! ANOTHER BOMBING?! THAT'S NICE!
YOU GO AHEAD AND DO THAT! I'M DONE!
Are they behind me yet? They'll get here.
Oh, this will be interesting.
Come with me if you want to live!
REBEL #4: Hey, Dr. Freeman.
REBEL #4: I've been hoping you'd show up.
Oh, you have huh?
REBEL #4: Got this airboat
all gassed up and ready to go.
Sounds good. You're cute, let's go.
REBEL #4: It's going to be tough dodging
Civil Protection out there in the open,
REBEL #4: but drive hard and you'll make it.
REBEL #4: You'll find more help up at
Station 7, just a few bends up the river.
REBEL #4: It's the old red barn.
REBEL #4: Climb on in, fire her up.
Well, she should be. We're
going to get overrun in minutes.
Oh, it only seats one. Well,
that's okay. You can sit in my lap.
REBEL #4: Go ahead and get
in the boat, Dr. Freeman.
REBEL #4: Get in the airboat, sir.
Oh, "sir". She's probably military.
REBEL #4: Climb on in, fire her up.
Yeah, this isn't going to work.
Okay, let's fire this up.
Hey, those aliens are going to
kill you. Wanted to say that.
REBEL #4: You'd better get going. Now.
Oh, I'm going. Don't worry about that.
Oh, now I'm going backw--Smooth!
I don't know what I'm doing. I've
never driven a swamp boat before.
Well, I'll say this. NOTHING
has changed with the ladies.
She said she was hoping I would show up,
so I show up. Thirty seconds later, she's
practically shoving me out the door.
Aliens have taken over THE WORLD,
and yet her standards are
still too high for me, huh?
I mean, she was so not-down with me
that she's not even going to pretend to
be nice and come with me to save her life.
This is the test of that "If you
were the last man on Earth" question,
And my Geiger counter's still going--
I've gotta get out here! This is a
cesspool! This is a literal cesspool!
A radioactive cesspool with
zombies swimming in it.
So yeah, it's the worst thing
imaginable. I've seen it.
Wait, where the hell do I go?
There's no passage here. Did I miss a turn?
There's nothing to turn TO. What...?
Okay, so she lied. There is no
river. It's just a pond of leachate.
Actually, it's not even a pond.
This is more like a giant puddle.
Should I go back and yell at her?
No, she won't get it. She's
just following orders.
She's probably dead by now anyway. I tried!
Jeez, that's big! Friggin' Tower of Orthanc.
Hm, now that I think about it,
women who try to get themselves killed
turn me off anyway. Bad investment.